That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
