my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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