I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
