After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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