yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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