So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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