at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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