so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
