i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
