I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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