i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
