I seem to have left my pride at pride
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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