it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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