She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
