That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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