she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
