He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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