i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
