PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
