Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
