why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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