The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
