5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
