remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
