I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
