I have demons in me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
