Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
