We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
