Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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