a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
