I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
