so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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