I met the friendliest cop last night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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