That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
