I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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