how can u be prego again
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
