Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
