it hurts more in the daytime
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
