um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
