she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
