I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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