What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
