I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
