pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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