We won't sleep together?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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