Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
