There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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