dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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