Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Welp...herpes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
