I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
