He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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