my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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