I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize