The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
