And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
