***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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