OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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