Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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