If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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