i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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