So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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