Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
