i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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