i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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