When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
last night I used snow as a chaser
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
