I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
