just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
