another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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