she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
