On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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