He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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